Letting Go

I know I don't share much lately, especially personal romantic stuff. I will say that when a relationship is over, trying to let go and move on is the hardest part. Letting go of not only a failed romance but also a failed friendship in a short time only compounds things.

I posted a while ago about meeting someone on okcupid.com which let to a 4 and a half plus year relationship. We had our ups and our downs, both real life struggles and fun adventures together. But we wanted different things, or at least the same thing but different time frames that caused some of our tension. We also struggled with communication, intimacy, and allowed the stress of other parts of our life to bleed into our relationship. After a couple attempts at therapy, it was over. 

I admit I made a few mistakes that I will own up to. I allowed my own jealously and hurt to push her away when at times I wanted to work things out. Granted, I did call her on a lot of bull that was unacceptable, such as games going back and forth about whether she wanted to get back together, which I suppose she did not in the end. 

Another big mistake for me was allowing myself to become physically intimate with a good friend I had known for many years only a month or two after I left my ex. I could have, or should had left it as a one night stand, if even allowing it to happen at all. It complicated my friendship and my original situation since my ex and I still lived together. Plus, I wanted more from my friend, but I wasn't ready so soon and she only wanted friends with benefits. The result was two or three falling outs over misunderstandings, etc. It is sad to see a friendship go but it is for the best when things get too complicated.

Either way is to learn from my mistakes, try to forgive myself, let go of regret and my anger and maybe one day for all parties to forgive each other.