The morning alarm went off for the nth time and Tom hit the snooze button again. A groggy eye pried itself open enough to see a note obscuring the alarm clock, and fact that he was late. He moved the note and his tired eyes nearly fell out of his head when Tom saw it was 8:30 AM. Tom’s heart raced when he remembered he needed to be at the court house at 9 am for a bullshit ticket and had no time to do anything. He jumped out of bed with his mind racing at what he needed to do with note still in hand. Before doing a full charge into the shower, Tom stopped dead in his tracks to read the note.
He could tell that Stephanie was pissed with him because the note was missing the usual heart shapes added to the punctuation to be cute. It simply stated “How could you say that?”
‘What did I say?’ crossed Tom’s mind. He strained his brain to remember what he could have possibly said last night to upset Stephanie. This was cut short by Tom’s feeling he was wasting time and darted once again for the shower. The water in the shower was cold and he nearly forgot to take off his boxer shorts and his tee shirt.
After a hack job of a shave and rush job on getting dressed, Tom bolted out the door. He saw 2 taxis parked at the corner. He hesitated for a moment because his whole court appearance was related to an incident involving a cab, but decided why not? He waved the second taxi down and got in. A nauseating mix of scents, including sex and pine air fresheners invaded Tom’s nasal cavity. His eyes bulged when he saw the cabbie’s id. The realization struck him full on when he noticed the cabbie staring back at him in the rear view mirror. Certainly an id and set of eyes Tom did not want to see today of all days. “The Cambridge
“Ah, so we meet again” snorted the cabbie with a thick accent. “You have your appearance today, no?”
“Um, yeah” Tom replied, not liking where this was going but knew today was going to be one of those days. It was one of those days in the sense of where Murphy’s Law of Anything that could go wrong, will go wrong was strictly enforced. Tom wondered if he read about that in his physics class when they were studying entropy in school or if it was the 11th commandment he heard something about during a random church service.
“Funny thing is that I go to court today too.” A hint of jovial comradery was in the cabbie’s voice. “Who knew you couldn’t have sex while on duty?”
“Who knew you could get fined for looking into a car window?” replied Tom, rolling his eyes in a defeated tone.
“Hey what time is you be there?”
“In 10 minutes.”
“No worry, I know short cuts!” The cabbie peeled out and pulled in front of the taxi in front of them and sped through the intersection. The acceleration of the taxi did not mix well with the already present nausea. After a block or two, the cabbie made a sharp turn, sending Tom to the other side of the back seat. Several blocks later, sirens were heard and flashing lights were seen in the rear view mirror.
“Hey no worry, I still get you there!” The cabbie’s confidence never wavered in his voice.
“Great” said Tom while gulping a bit of throw up.
After several agonizing minutes, they pulled up in front of the court house. Tom threw $20 into the front seat and scrambled to get out. A pair of cop cars pulled up with lights flashing. Tom put his hands into the air and did everything he could not to truly vomit this time or piss himself. After several minutes, Tom had to explain that he only wanted to go to a hearing regarding a ticket, that no he didn’t ask the cabbie to speed nor nearly hit anyone. The cops let him go but arrested him on speeding as well as outstanding warrants and tickets.
‘9:07, great!’ thought Tom after he got through security as fast as he could. He made his way to the court room and saw the court clerk to one side of the room.
“I’m here” he said to the clerk.
“And you are?” said the clerk, looking over a pair of half specticules that hung from her nose.
“Thomas Happenstance, Ma’am. I’m here regarding a ticket.”
“Aren’t you a little late?” she replied in a nasal tone and regarding the court docket.
“Sorry about that, traffic issues” Tom shrugged.
“Look, fortunately for you we have a light day but the judge hates waiting for anyone.” The clerk turned and went over to the judge with an uptight air in her walk after the judge finished with another ticket dispute. The clerk whispered in the judge’s ear, which resulted in the judge’s eyes rolling.
He boomed in a loud voice “Next case People versus Thomas Xavier Finnegan Happenstance, in regards to unlawful and lewd glaring into a car window in the city of Milford
Tom took a deep breathe and wiped a bead of sweat from his brow. “Firstly, your honor, I do apologize for the inconvience of being late.” The judge nodded in appreciation for Tom’s apology. “Secondly, I was unaware of the law. I was just trying…”
The judge cleared his throat, indicating that he wanted to speak. “I know the law is a bit obscure but I would advise that you familiarize yourself with all the laws of your community and adhere to them. Ignorance is not a proper excuse. And for all we know, you could have been considering…”
Before the judge could say ‘Breaking and Entering’, the taxi driver that drove Tom to the court (and frankly, the basis for the charge) barged into the courtroom, handcuffed. Two guards and a couple of police officers, all winded, ran in and tackled the taxi driver. “I throw me at mercy of court. I’m why he late”, was heard though muffled, in the taxi driver’s accent.
The judge, standing and a deep shade of red in the face, screamed “This is not a circus. Get that man out of here.” The judge shook his gavel to the point of nearly throwing it.
“But it is my fault” protested the driver as he was half dragged, half carried out of the courtroom. At this point, Tom decided to agree plead guilty and to the judge’s ruling including a reasonable fine, a few hours of community service, and a written apology to the court for both his lateness and the interruption, regardless of the fact that the interruption was not his fault. The court adjourned much to Tom’s relief as he hurried out to catch the bus. By the time he reached the front steps of the courthouse, a tow truck was pulling away with the infamous cab hitched up.
Tom checked his watch and after noticing he was uber late for work, a rain drop hit his watch. ‘Fortunately I forgot an umbrella’ thought Tom. He started down the stairs when a familiar voice called to him. It was Ivory, Tom’s ex, dressed in a suit and carrying an umbrella walking up the side walk. Next to her was a man dressed in an expensive suit carrying an expensive brief case and an umbrella.
“Hi” said Ivory. “Funny meeting you here.” Her tone suggested a morbid curiousity and an awkward pleasure to see him again.
“Hey” replied Tom. “Yeah some stupid fine I got for looking into a car window.”
“That’s a law?” Ivory asked, a bit taken aback.
“In Milford
“Mark Shlum” replied the man and shook Tom’s hand.
“Ivory’s attorney, huh?” asked Tom. Ivory bit her lip while her cheeks reddened. “Saw the news…” said Tom before Ivory replied. By then the rain was starting to come down a little harder. Mark and Ivory opened their umbrellas.
“We should get going” said Mark.
“Good luck” Tom half beemed.
Ivory looked down briefly and said dejectedly said “Call me….”
“We’ll see…” Tom turned and walked away with a shit eating grin on his face. Just then a streak of lightning crossed the sky. He got to a bus stop with a place to stand under and waited. At least 2 buses heading the other way passed over the next twenty minutes while Tom waited at the stop. The rain was starting to come down harder and he was fortunate to have some sort of semidry spot to wait. He couldn’t stop thinking of how weird it was to not only see Ivory but also the fact that she still wanted to talk to him. This was especially amazing considering the fall out that they had. He shrugged his shoulders in a ‘I don’t get it’ kind of gesture.
Finally a bus pulled up in front of the stop. Tom got on only slightly drenched from the on coming rain and splash from the puddle in front of the stop. “Howdy” said the elderly driver in a friendly but familiar tone.
Tom looked up from the fumbling he was doing with his wallet for his bus pass. “Hey I met you on the subway, didn’t I?”
“Yes sir” replied the driver.
“I didn’t know you were a bus driver.”
“Well I decided on my trip, the last time you saw me, to take a job in the big city. Before this I was a pomegranate fruit farmer.”
“Really? For how long if you don’t mind me asking?”
“For the last 100, maybe 120 years or so.”
“Yeah right” Tom chuckled.
“Well I didn’t do it all my life. A man sometimes has to make changes in his life.”
“Very true” Tom said as he continued for his bus pass.
The bus driver noticed this and said “This one’s on me kid. Hope you don’t mind me asking but any luck with that girl wearing the crazy get up?”
“You mean the bells and whistles?” The bus driver nodded. “Yeah, her name is Stephanie. She and I have been dating for a little while now.”
The bus driver nodded and an approving “Ah”. After a brief silence, he added “And?”
“And what?” asked Tom with a hint of confusion in his voice.
“And it sounds like that everything isn’t milk and honey” replied the bus driver.
“Well I found a note saying that she’s mad at me for something I said. The thing that’s bugging me is that I have no idea what I said.”
“Do you thing it’s not what you said but how you said it?” The driver gave a sideways glance.
Tom mulled this over, nearing kicking himself for not considering this angle. They were watching TV last night. Tom was half zoning out and sipping on a beer. Stephanie was flipping through a magazine and started talking about some relationship article. Tom thought she was talking about ex’s but it didn’t help that he was only half paying attention when she was asking him a few questions. All he could remember was saying “Maybe” before she got up and stormed off. Tom tried to apologize but she wouldn’t talk to him. And when he crawled into bed, she wouldn’t let him hold her. He racked his brain about what she could have asked about his ex’s and if they pertained specifically to Ivory.
“You could be right!” said Tom. “She asked me something but I guess I wasn’t paying close enough attention.”
“That could do it” replied the bus driver. “Last stop.”
“Thanks again” Tom said as he got off the bus. The rain was falling so hard that Noah may have felt a little under prepared. Tom made his way under an awning and fumbled in his pockets for some change to get the local news paper. He also pulled out his cell phone to call the office to let him know he was on his way. Theresa, the ever enthusiastic receptionist answered after a few rings.
“Hello feather boy” she said. This was one of her jabs, letting him know that she’ll never let him forget his tar/feather/wool blend outfit with sensible shoes and a matching necktie that he wore to his interview.
“Hello Theresa, pleasure as always. Just wanted to let you know I was on my way.”
“So you’re done with your peeping…Tom…charges?” He could tell that the receptionist was trying to hold back her laughter.
“Thank you, Hyena!” At this point a homeless bum smoking a cigarette staggered onto the platform. “Just let Mr. Wadsmith know I’m on my way.”
“Sure, we’ll see you when you fly over” Theresa snorted and hung up.
‘God I hate her sometimes’ Tom thought.
“Spare some change” slurred a homeless bum asked Tom. The bum was smoking a cigarette and waffed of booze.
“Sorry, no” Tom replied, trying to sound respectful.
“Come on, pal. I haven’t eaten in days” the bum replied as he took a drag.
Tom was tempted to make a crack about the cigarettes but thought better of it. “I’m broke, sorry.”
“You guys are all alike.” At this point, the bum was yelling. “Sorry this and no that! What’s a guy to do…” The bum stopped mid-sentence and started clutching his stomach. Tom stepped back a few steps but a little late. The bum vomited with bits hitting his shoes. Fortunately a subway cop saw this and interjected. A nearby news stand had napkins for Tom to clean his shoes. Tom caught the subway but had to pay cash since he could not find his subway pass.
Tom got to the office just as the rain had subsided. As he walked through the front door, Theresa had her feet up, intently working on her nails. “Finally you’re here” she said.
“Glad to see you too”, replied Tom as he wiped his feet.
“The meeting started 10 or 15 minutes ago.” She blew on a finger as she regarded him with accusatory eyes.
“Which meeting?” Tom replied with his eyes nearly popping out of his head.
“Oh, you know those meetings Mr. Wadsmith likes to spring on everyone” she stated as she looked back at her nails.
“And you didn’t tell me on the phone, why?”
“He called it after you hung up.” She started working on the hand.
Tom exhaled. “Conference room I assume?”
“Yup!”
Tom ran to his office to grab an extra shirt he kept handy in cases like this. After changing his skirt, he grabbed a notebook and went to the conference room, entering as quietly as he could. Mr. Wadsmith was talking in a jovial voice, which was often times not a good sign.
“Ah, Mr. Happenstance so glad you could join us.” Mr. Wadsmith said upon seeing Tom. Fred Jones, the office manager and sometimes sales rep was seating at one side of the table. Gene, one of the brokers in the office, was sitting next to him. On the opposite side of the table, were two men that he never met before.
“Now I would like you to meet Mr. Jacobvich and Mr. Ritts of the NASD. They have a few questions regarding a particular account. We were hoping you could shed some light on the issue.” Mr. Wadsmith smiled a desperate smile.
Tom stepped into the room and said “Sure, I would be glad to.” For the next 2 hours, Tom was questioned about a particular account that was for a Mrs. Larson, a 79 year old woman who had an account that lost money and owed the firm some substantial fees. Tom answered the questions as directly and as honestly as he could, while occasionally offering documentation to support some of his answers. Some of his answers drew concerning looks from Mr. Wadsmith and the others of his firm. As it turned out that, it was decided that the client was the one at fault and was probably bitter about the situation. The rest of the day was spent as a catch up for missed time.
On the way home Tom stopped too purchase a new subway and bus combination pass. He noticed that one of the windows had no line to it and approached without thinking much about it. As he asked the agent for a pass, he could hear a voice say “Excuse me.”
He turned and could see a long line at the neighboring window. A woman stood between the 2 agents with her hands on her hips, obviously annoyed. “Yes?” asked Tom, slightly confused.
“I believe I was next” said the woman.
“But there was no line at this window.”
“Did you not see this line?” smirked the woman.
“Yes for that window maybe” stated Tom.
“This” said the woman, her tone more irate, “is the line for both windows!”
“If that is the line for both windows, why isn’t it over more or even two lines?” Tom pulled out his wallet and paid for his pass.
“You got some nerve, you know that?”
“Sorry” said Tom as he walked away.
He pulled out his cell phone as he approached the subway entrance. He noticed that he had a voicemail and missed a call from Stephanie. He checked it and listened. “Hey Tom, we need to talk. Love you” was all Stephanie said in the message. Tom rolled his eyes as he hung up. Seconds later, Ivory called. He debated for a second to not answer this call but decided to anyways. ”Hello?”
“Hi” replied Ivory. “I was hoping we could talk…”
“I guess” replied Tom.
“Look, I’m sorry things didn’t go so well and…” She let out a sigh. “I kind of miss you.”
Tom tried to think of what to say to this, considering he had one of the shittiest days in a long while, possibly ever. “I… I’m kind of lost for words. I do appreciate that..”
“I understand… Look I was hoping to see you if that’s ok.”
“Well, I’m seeing someone right now. I don’t know if…”
“…I understand” Ivory replied. “I probably should let you go then.”
“Ivory, thank you for the call” said Tom before hanging up.
When Tom got home, Stephanie was on the couch watching TV. He walked over to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Hi, there. Still mad at me?”
“Well I don’t know if mad is there word...”
“Ok so what is the word?’’ asked Tom.
“Pregnant.”
“What?” Tom’s eyes bulged.
“Tom, I’m pregnant.”
Tom’s life flashed before his eyes and promptly passed out….
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